Most everyone has had at least one really close friend during their lifetime..I have been fortunate to have five or six people with whom I would consider to have a very close friendship during my lifetime.
A friend is someone we can talk to and share experiences with and someone we can trust.We often become friends with someone that we see as similar to us. We don’t often become friends with others who we perceive as different than we are.
So, what are the magical ingredients which promotes friendship? Here are some of my ideas.
SHARED EXPERIENCES There is something about shared experiences which helps put a “we” together and precludes others who don’t share that experience. These experiences, when we have some of the same reactions and emotions, can draw people together. Or, just sharing fun times is a wonderful way to build close friendships.
SHARED VALUES People tend to like others whom they perceive as similar to themselves. It is easier to bond when core values are shared. My friends all had similar values to my own.
APPRECIATION Friendships can emerge as strong feelings are stirred when someone does something nice for another. An example is when someone cooks a meal for another when they are ill. There is a sense of gratitude and good will created toward the one bearing this gift. Good friends appreciate the positive characteristics of the other and tend to overlook some of the not-so-positive ones.
RESPECT Close friends don’t look down on each other. They feel like they are equals. They respect the similarities and differences and strengths and weaknesses in one another.
SHARING SECRETS A mutual revealing of something intimate about oneself can create affection and trust when these secrets are kept to oneself and not shared beyond the friendship.
ALLOW INTO OUR PERSONAL SPACE . Allowing someone into your personal space reveals a willingness to further permit someone to know you better. We don’t often lovingly touch our enemies. We rarely touch our enemies, in fact. Our friends often come physically closer to us than acquaintances or strangers.
LAUGHTER AND TEARS Friends are those which share some humor of the day with each other. Good times and serious times are shared in a friendship.
NURTURED TRUST Our best buddies are those we trust with our lives, our secrets, our emotions and our stories. Dependability and honestyand vulnerability are often part of this trust.
CHEMISTRY Two friends simply get along with each other and enjoy one another’s company without a set of stipulations governing that relationship. We don’t often seek friendships where there is no chemistry or bonding.
Of course, there is much more which promotes a feeling of friendship between two people. Friendships enrich our daily lives.
Be open to new people in your life circle. You may make a new friend. If you ignore them because they don’t seem to be like you, you may miss out on the start of a close friendship.
The losses of life may make it difficult to go on…loss of a job, loss of a friendship, decline in health, end of a marriage., death of a friend or loved one.. When these things happen, life can seem quite bleak for a while. We may become discouraged, …wish to give up or wonder if there will ever be a brighter tomorrow.
Sometimes, these brighter days take a while to show up. But, hold on tight. Better days will arrive. Some rays of sunshine appear in the darkest of days. Hold on to this light. Over time, more light appears.
Remember that endings are beginnings. These endings can actually open up our world to greater hope, wider possibilities and better opportunities. Personal growth, wisdom and knowledge of our strength can come out of sadness or seeming personal failure.
Whatever you do, don’t give up. Look toward the Light! ~ my life lesson #987
Loving kindness, caring and giving are wonderful goals to set in life. Continue practicing these things. And add a healthy respect of others with these goals.
Don’t be foolishly kind. Not everyone is going to be kind, caring or giving in return and some will not hesitate to take advantage of you or even crush you emotionally or physically. They are wolves in sheep clothing. These people are anywhere…at school, at church, at home or in the community. I’m sure you know that not everyone wishes the best for you. Hopefully, your contact with these types of people will be limited, but be aware that they are out there!
Be smart. Establish healthy boundaries to protect yourself. Be assertive in speaking for what you need. Don’t hesitate to walk away from a dangerous or unhealthy situation or relationship. No one said you had to be a kind martyr. *** This image may be subject to copyright.
The following may not reflect your life or living situation at all, but as I talk with more and more people I am discovering many DO live life more or less alone. Social media, technology of the past 50 years and our mobility have the potential to separate us rather than draw us together..
Just for grins:
1.Name 4 families who live near you in your neighborhood.
2.How many people, other than from work, do you regularly socialize with?
3.Who is your best friend?
4.How many times in a week do you actually get on the phone to just talk tosomeone about the day’s events, worries or concerns, or the joys of your life?
5.Do you tell anyone your deepest secrets? Your joys? Your concerns?
6.How much ‘alone time’ do you spend watching television, listening to your mp3 player, playing computer video games, texting, emailing, watching movies or surfing the internet?
No doubt about it, more and more people are not only alone in this life, but arelonely. We can be around other people or our spouse or acquaintances and still belonely. Gone are the days of going to the town square to see and be seen. Wetend to live our lives in our own cocoon and rarely ask about others’ concerns. We are a mobile society which frequently moves to other towns or states or countries. We limit long-term relationships because of divorce, mobility or distrust of others. Many of us don’t have any long-term relationships or tend to forget to nurture the ones we do have.
Our culture’s pride is on working hard..long hours at work…. which leaves little time for family or friendly relationships, relaxation or play. We are proud of our work and no play. Our employers encourage us to get ‘er done!! But, at what cost??
We limit our interactions with others to “hi’ and “bye” and “great to see you” and “call me sometime” and we barely mean it. We go 1000 miles a minute and forget how rewarding it is to love and be loved, to laugh, to share experiences or to be human and relate to one another.
We are American robotons and we could do this better.
This image may be subject to copyright. minted.com Kirsten Arianna Applebee
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